Why I Took Down My First Project
Time to reflect on my first project, "Onions and Communication." Picture this: it's 2019, and I'm in college, known as "the fashion major Jia" and not much else. Then I decided to pull a Beyonce and drop a 5-song project on February 5th, 2019, my 21st birthday. To understand why I did it, a little context is necessary here.
I spent my whole life making music my priority and loved every moment of it. I convinced myself that becoming a star wasn't realistic, which I talk about more here. I thought fashion made more sense for me. One thing I always say is there are people who make music because they want to and people who make music because they have to. I have to, and I've never been able to run away from it. So in 2017, I went all in and started teaching myself production and recording. Too bad I was always too impatient to get the details I really needed for success. Regardless of my approach, I had the start of a beautiful, well-thought-out story that I believed would complement everything I wanted to build for myself. Over the course of 2 years, I produced (even though I wouldn't say sample loops were the best production), wrote, recorded, and engineered. When it was time for the “big reveal” I commissioned a talent artist to bring my vision to life. I was so excited and proud of myself for finally going for what I wanted my entire life.
Cover Art by Kassidy Steffey
Then on January 2nd, 2019, everything I had built shattered before my eyes. My laptop completely shut down and took the majority of the project with it. I cried for an hour, took my laptop in, and sang for the rest of the night. I was really devastated. I had no music community around me. There was no one to help me put the missing pieces back together, just friends who were doing their best to understand what I was going through so they could lift me up. It was my job to figure out what I would do moving forward. I was so set on releasing it on my birthday and so stressed that my skin was breaking out. That should've been my sign to slow down and make a better project. (Ironically, the first draft of this blog was completely deleted, but I think I handled it better)
One thing I've noticed about myself is that I never take the luxury of pausing; I just keep moving forward and tackle obstacles when they get close. I always have my end goal in mind, and I guess at the time, slowing down wasn't going to help my vision. So I released it, flaws and all, and I received so much love and support. I got introduced to a community I didn't even know was right under my nose. I finally felt like I had found my true purpose and passion, but I couldn't help but see "Onions and Communication" as a failure. I looked at it as a project with so much potential, and I was the reason it fell short. It could've received all the love in the world, and it still would've haunted me. I had it up for a while until I created more music I was proud of and collaborated with people who excelled in certain areas more than I could. Then, I removed it from all streaming platforms. I even had a moment where I thought, "Oh, who cares," and put it back on SoundCloud, but the feeling came back.
So yes, I care about first impressions, and if I have the choice, I want people to judge me based on my best music. Don't get me wrong, though, I LOVE "Onions and Communication." I think some of my best lyrics are on that project. It introduced me to my first music community, and as chaotic as it all was, I would do it all over again. I believe that one day I will give the project a formal apology in the best way I know how.
